NERVOUS IN SUBURBIA MUSIC PROJECT

BIRTHDAY COUNTDOWN

*RING* *RING* It’s for you! It’s NINO!

“Wal-mart...do they like make walls there?” --Paris Hilton

Hey gang! How is it hangin'? Mine's hanging a little to the right, but thanks for asking!! Especially since my birthday is coming up! Yay!

Exactly this time next Wednesday, I’m going to be sipping on a

, opening dozens of presents, telling people *exactly* where to stick it (hey, it’s MY day! So you can take my attitude and shove it!) and wearing exactly what I came into this lovely world wearing. Nothing but the comfort of my birthday suit! Wouldn't you like to know what color it is?!

It’s a purple

But anyway, you won't get to see it unless you were invited to the party! Check your tickets folks and make your reservations! Now you might think I’m just some hick that works for a living, but my daily dip in the Information Superhighway Pool doesn’t go unnoticed by the important people. What makes me so confident of my self inflicted importance? Well I’ll tell you: one Brilliant Cracker by the name of Paris Hilton has sent me a Birthday card! And I’d like to share it with you.

BIRTHDAY GREETINGS OF TRUTH by Paris Hilton

Howdy y’all! Happy B-day, Nino! When my little Tinkerbell told me it was your birthday, I was all, "No way, that’s awesome." “The way I see it, you should live everyday like it's your birthday.” And she was all, "Yip Yip Yeah, I’ve partied with that dude in Vegas, he’s da bomb, yo, yip, yip, ruf, ruf, yipe, yipe yipe!." And I was all, "Tink,

is SO 1997, I mean really, every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything.” oh oops...hehehe we were talking about Your birthday, I got sidetracked for a sec... um where was I? oh yeah Da bomb is so 1997 and I should know, that’s when I was portrayed in: "South Park", y’all! And I was Da Bomb ...And then, Bit-Bit was all, "Ruff ruff yip yip yip aROOOOOOO!!" She’s like SO excited for yer birthday party, dude! Oh, and my little

was all, "Yip yip grrr growl COUGH GAG birthday!" My little Crapper in the Furry Wrapper was, like, nippin’ at me like crazy! And I was thinking..............but I was like “I don't really think, I just walk.” Know what I mean? Where was I? I forgot. Oh yeah...I just hope Tinkerbell didn’t

me with some alien-herpies-type puppy. That’d be like all weird and stuff and I’d have to get paid by the National Inquirer. “That's hot!”

Well anyhoo, I’s gots ta run! They’re havin’ a 69¢

special at MickyD’s, and getting engaged ain’t gonna fatten me up itself you know!

Love,
Pare!!!!!

Thanks Pear! That birthday card sure beat out my Aunt Pursilla's traditional seven dolla birthday check! Its too bad it came scrawled out in ketcup on a Mickey D's napkin. Oh, and try to hold on to Tink, there. That dog would make a mean hackysack.

Luv,
Nino Urban Demon/ Groupie Beneficiary

PS I've got some presents for you! Speaking of Miss Pear Hilton and birthdays...check out these hot slabs of wax...

1. Paris Hilton - "Screwed"